We watch a movie on the car dvd player, usually Pixar movies (Wall-E, Cars, Nemo...). We try to have lights out around 8pm. Heidi and Ruby take one bed with Emmaus and I in the other. Emmaus is in habit of needing his feet to be on me in some way to get settled (my face, ribs, neck, ext..). I get frustrated, he gets sad, then Ruby gets worked up... chaos ensues and I end up walking the halls with him (his head on my shoulder) and in any dark room I can find to get him to fade. I have to peek into anything reflective to see if his eyes are closed. Once he's out, I'm good. I lay him down, get my things together in the dark, kiss to Heidi, and I'm sneaking out...
It's usually after 10pm when I get out. The feeling of the fresh air frees me from the tension (like a beer at the end of the day). I walk up the middle of the street that leads from the RMH since there's no one on the road. I make a left at the stop sign and cross the street toward the Atrium (The Atrium is our usual entry to the hospital but it's doors are locked at 9pm.). There are small Japanese Maple leaves blowing all around, reminding me that it fall. I head down an incline where larger leave start gathering on the sidewalk, so much so that, it's hard to tell if you're even on the sidewalk. There's an office building on the right that has some of the offices lit up but most are dark. Are they still working or just forget to turn the lights off (either way I better watch were I'm going before I step off the curb that I cant see.). The drive way to the ER is about 10ft head but I choose to cut across a landscaped section through mud and plants. I get up to a sidewalk and scrap my feet off. I walk across the ER driveway to get to my entrance, which is the Pediatric ER. As I pass the ER I find it curious that there is a valet waiting for you. I mean, it makes perfect sense that your in a hurry....right? I jump another set of hedges to get to the Pediatric ER entrance. I pull my sleeve up to show my wristband and head to a section of the hospital that's closed. I walk a long hall that has modern furniture and huge windows on one side and the alphabet in picture frames where each letter is a species of bird on the other. I walk under a set of trees with birds in the branches (wooded birds) and a massive nest with a golden egg in it. I get to the elevator where the floors are numbered by living things. I start on the dragonfly level and push the turtle button once I'm in. I pick up a phone ad someone that I never see asks who I am and lets me in. The doors just magically open and there's never anyone to thank. My squeaky shoe announce my arrival to the room as i squirt some foam into my hand to sanitize. I sit on a couch/bed and catch up on e-mails or texts and get my alone time (with the two nurses who never leave her side) with Noa.
My walk back to the RMH is usually the same each night. I think of all the things that are challenging about being a parent and how many times over I'd accept them to have Noa survive this. It's infinite...
JR
Hello Justin and Heidi,
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray that this finds you renewed in strength daily, despite this enormous challenge you are facing. My mother, her prayer group and mine prayed for Ruby and Emmaus last night. Felt that we were praying daily for Noa and that God was calling us to pray for them as well.
I am trusting that the transitions went well with the handover from heidi's mother to yours. I am praying for them as well.
Thank you, that despite all that you have going on, you are keeping us updated.
Know that you are both loved very much and are constantly on my mind.
In His infinite love,
Nicola